Too tired to talk

I’ve read this post by Alexandra Gilliland on The Mighty about 12 times. Why is it so comforting to read about someone else’s experiences that mirror our own? She talks about the expectation others have that she is positive all the time, that she is grateful on some level. While I believe that attitude is so important and that positive thinking can have a big impact on a person’s well-being, being positive about chronic pain or chronic illness is not always possible. It’s just not.

I’m really quite good at masking physical pain and discomfort. I get a lot of practice. Still, I couldn’t pull it off today. I barely spoke. I didn’t have the energy to put together thoughts and then make sentences, or to form the words with my mouth and breathe deeply enough to support all that effort. 

“But everyone wants me to be positive. Because apparently I’m going to ‘feel better.'” Alexandra wrote that. And this: “There is no better. There’s flaring, and there’s not flaring.” Alexandra, we should be friends.

On a bad day when I’m not feeling positive, I at least have the wherewithal to remind myself that some sleep and a cup of coffee in the morning will make tomorrow a less bad day.

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